Idiot
by Moon's-Wing
Summary: IchiRuki- Fighting alongside Ichigo Kurosaki was very different from being married to him. PG for potty mouths.


Everyone in Soul Socitey knew Ichigo Kurosaki. He was even more famous than some of the captain-class shinigami for his antics; even more so when he joined them, barely 30 years old.

His death had not been a sad event, not for him. The one stipulation Rukia had made before they could get married was that he had to die, and he did not want to wait for her. She wanted him to have a life outside the world of the dead. He just wanted her.

So when the car behind him smashed it and himself down a hill on the highway, it was hardly a somber event.

It didn't seem possible, but he gained even more fame just getting married to the woman and having kids. The children were just as rambuncious as he, and hearding them in from various corners of Seireitei and Rukongai became a daily headache.

He loved his family. There were days he loved his job as a captain of the Gotei 13. And as far as anyone could tell, there wasn't a thing he was afraid of.

There was, of course.

There was one thing that could and would strike fear into the very depts of his heart every time it happened: when his wife got angry.

It didn't even have to be with him. When she was pissed, he could feel her reiatsu two miles off and was sure to shunpo in the opposite direction of it. Usually, he could safely return to the Kuchiki manshion in about an hour or so.

But not if he was the one she was angry with.

Like today.

"ICHIGO!" Rukia voice roared through district nine of Rukongai. "I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE!"

"Goodness," the woman who's home he was hiding in said. The residents were usually more than happy to lend him a corner to seek temporary shelter in. "She's certainly angry this time, Kurosaki-san. I hate to ask, but what did you do this time?"

"I don't have a freakin' clue!" he hissed as quitely as he could. "No idea! I did everything she told me to today; I even made it to and from work on time! I thought she'd be joyous when she got home!"

"ICHIGO!"

"That's definately not joyous."

"You don't say."

"THERE YOU ARE!" his wife roared again, bursting through the door. "Excuse me, 'mam," she said to the other female politely.

"Don't mind me," she replied pleasantly.

"You."

"What about me?" he asked warily.

"You don't even know why I'm angry, do you?"

"It's not for a lack of trying to figure it out."

She grabbed Ichigo by the collar, pulling his face to hers. "WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO LEAVE THE KIDS WITH NII-SAMA?" she screamed.

"Ow... He's their uncle, maybe? What's the freakin' problem? I thought it'd be nice to have day that we didn't have to hunt them down."

"HOW COULD I HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE SO DUMB?" She yelled and took him by the collar again, dragging him out and back towards Seireitei.

"Am I ever going to find out what I did or are you just gonna keep having a go at me?"

"I TOLD YOU what you did."

"Aw, the kids didn't like playtime with Uncle Byakuya?"

Rukia folded her arms. "'Uncle Byakuya' decided to start training them to be shinigami."

"Wha...? But-but they're still little! Masaki's only seven, Hisana's barely five, and the twins-"

"I know. You forget Nii-sama has been training since he was thier age."

"They must be-"

"Terrified? That would be accurate."

"They're not still there?"

"Of course not. Hitsugaya-taichou was passing-"

"You did not leave them with Toushiro."

"Yes, why not? I thought you two were friends, of sorts."

"AND YOU CALL ME DUMB!" Ichigo roared. "Toushiro can barely stand most adults, let alone small children!"

"He seemed fine when I left."

"... Seriously?"

"Of course. He didn't seem to care either way."

"... Seriously?"

"They're still at the house! See for yourself!"

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Ichigo could not belive the sight that beheald him once he entered thier home. The building had not been this quiet since before Masaki was born. His children could be hellions, were not exactly misbehaved, but did love pushing both thier parent's buttons- being kids. He looked over at his wife, sharing his awe.

The girls were on the living room floor, coloring and giggling to each other softly. The twins... where were his boys? The tensai sat on the couch, going over some papers (he was the only captain Ichigo knew of that literally brought his work home with him- dude needed a freaking girlfriend), but looked up when the two entered.

"Toushiro... what'd you do to my kids?"

The tensai scoffed, gathering his work and standing. "Put the fear of Hyorinmaru into them. I wasn't going to run all over Seireitei looking for them. And no, I didn't snap and kill Kaien and Naota. They're in their room."

"You left them in their room... alone?" Rukia dared to ask. Her husband didn't stick around, he was already up the stairs and opening the twins' door.

"Was there something wrong with that?" Toushiro asked.

"The twins are just very... inventive," the woman replied nervously.

"Inventive?"

"Yes... Ever since they met 'Uncle Urahara.'"

"...I see," the tensai replied. "My apologies."

"You didn't know, and I don't hear Ichigo yelling yet, so it should be all right. They were probably still in the planning stages. I'm sure they'll be brillant when they're older, but-"

"GO SEE YOUR MOTHER!" they heard the orange haired male holler.

"Oh, crap."

"That's bad?"

"If he's sending them to me, he's too furious to think straight. Or they- yup," she said, seeing her sons. "They got into my things again." She sighed with a small smile, seeing them each holding a hand of one of Hisana's dolls between them. A doll, that had make up all over her face. Rukia didn't use the stuff nearly as often as her boys.

"Naota, Kaien... why? We're talked about this."

"Sorry Mama," they mumbled. All that could be seen was identical tuffs of orange; thier dark eyes faced the floor. "Sorry, Hitsugaya-san."

"Why are you apologising to me?"

Naota lifted his small head. "Cuz... um..."

"All I required of you this time was silence. You complied with that."

Kaien's head went up as well. "You're not angry?"

"No."

"Yay!" the two cheered together.

"Why are you so happy? Your parents are livid."

"But babysitters never come back cus of us!" Naota told him. "It makes our sisters really sad, but we can't help it."

Teal eyes widened a bit. "Are you two under the impression-?"

"Please babysit us again, Hitsugaya-san!" they chorused together.

"Please, Hitsugaya-san?" Masaki's voice said. He turned to see the two girls looking at him pleadingly as well. He looked at Rukia, desperate for help. Thankfully, she provided it; he doubted her husband would be so kind.

"Now, now, guys," she said. "Hitsugaya-taichou is a very busy man, just like your father. If we can work something out, that's great, but it's unfair to corner him like that. Understand?"

"Yes, Momma," the children chorused; the white haired male got he feeling they did this a lot.

She turned her attention back to the impromtu sitter. "I'll show myself out," he said.

"Thank you again."

"It wasn't a problem," he replied; the children began to holler thier own good byes, to which recieved an arched eyebrow and mildly humored smirk.

"All right!" Rukia said, as soon as he'd left. "Girls, can you go back to the living room for a bit? I need to talk to your brothers."

"Naota's in trouble! Kaien's in trouble!" they sang, running back to thier crayons.

"Now," she said, turning back to the four year olds. "Why did you get into my things again? I have asked you repeatedly not to, and every time you say it won't happen again."

"Well, Mama," Naota began.

"Histugaya-san told us to be quiet or he'd release his sword," Kaien told her.

"And we really, really wanted to see that," his brother added exicitibly.

"Wait," the woman interupted. "You were bad because you wanted to be punished?"

"No!" they chorused.

"Just to see Hitsugaya-san's zanpakuto. We heard at school it's really cool," Naota told her.

"At school?" she repeated, eyeing her husband walking down the stairs.

"Yeah," Kaien said. "The teacher was tellin' us about shikai and bankai, and she was tellin' us about the different taichous."

"She even let us talk all about Daddy's!" They didn't see, but Ichigo grinned.

"But as a com-par-ee-son, she was talkin' about Hitsugaya-san's. Cus Daddy's is really little and Hitsugaya-san's is huge."

Rukia barely bit her lip in time before she started laughing; she didn't dare look at her husband, but was sure of his expression. "Well, boys," she said after taking a few seconds to compose herself. "I'm sure Hitsugaya-taichou would have been happy to show you if you had asked him. The next time you see him, why not try that, ok?"

"Okay," the twin chorused softly.

"Go color with your sisters awhile, ok? And play nice!" she added to thier retreating backs. She snickered, finally daring to look at Ichigo; his lips were pursed into a thin line, and... was that a flush to his color? "Ichigo, don't turn bankai size into a penis contest."

"I'm... not," he barely managed to reply, causing the woman to snicker more.

"Size really isn't the important thing. I mean, I don't even have one."

"Of course not! You're a- dammit," he cursed, flushing more darkly.

She snickered again, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "You know," she reminded him. "Your sword is bigger than his."

Much to her amusement, his expression lightened considerably at the realization; all she could do was shake her head.

"I wonder if Toushiro actually would sit the kids again," her husband said suddenly.

"The only thing he seems to require out of anyone is silence. I didn't think our kids were capeable of that, but when given the right modivation..."

Suddenly, a wide grin formed on Ichigo's face. "I have a great idea."

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Rukia sighed, still tired from her day and wanting to change out of her uniform. Yes, it was a good idea for the kids, but his modivation was all wrong, and this could seriously blow up in his face. The fact Hitsugaya-taichou was going for it surprised her a bit, too, though he was just as full of himself as her husband; he probably couldn't turn down the chance to show off, either.

"Mommy, are we there yet?" Masaki asked, rubbing one of her violet eyes. "Me an' 'Ana's feets hurt."

"Almost, love," she replied.

"You said this would be really cool," Naota reminded her. "It's gonna be really cool, right?"

"It will be worth the trip," she reiterated, passing from the woods into a cleared area where her husband and Hitsugaya-taichou were. "Ichigo! Why couldn't you come with us?"

"The effect was better this way?"

"You're an asshole, more like!"

"Hey, not in front of the kids."

"... Like they haven't heard worse form you."

The male shut up. He did have that nasty little habit.

"Daddy, what're we doin' here?" Kaien asked.

"I thought you guys wanted to see Toushiro's sword releases."

"That's Hitsugaya-taichou!" the tensai reminded him amongst the children's cheers.

"Yeah, get over here and do something about it," was the snide reply.

The tensai began to run, but right past the other male and flashed stepped into the sky sprinting between two trees. "Soten ni zase, Hyorinmaru!" he called out, and a water version of the ice dragon formed and crashed down to the orange haired male- or where he was was one second prior.

Kaien and Naota's dark eyes were wide in wonder, the wearyness they'd surely felt with thier sisters earlier forgotten. Speaking of whom...

"Oh, girls, it's ok," Rukia said, finding her daughters huddled behind her.

"I-It almost ate Daddy," Masaki muttered.

"No, no, it's ok, love," the woman consoled the two with a hug. "Daddy and Hitsugaya-taichou are just playing. You know boys play rough, right?"

The two made a face at that. Yes, they certainly did.

"Bankai! Bankai!" the twins were calling out; their mother looked over at the two men. Neither had yet, but thier audience certainly wanted them to. Or at the least the one they hadn't seen yet.

"Your audience, calls, Toushiro," Ichigo smirked.

"That's Hitsugaya-taichou," the shorter reminded him, but immediately after, a seemingly endless amount of ice burst forth from his zanpakuto as if to encase him. What had formed as a ball parted as wings, the tensai at the center. "Bankai. Daiguren Hyorinmaru."

Kaien and Naota's jaws hung wide.

"Mama, it's pretty," Masaki said.

"Pretty," Hisana insisted.

"Yes," the woman agreed. "Very pretty."

And very deadly. "Ryusenka!" Toushiro called out; Ichigo narrowly avoided it.

"Fucking hell, Toushiro! Overkill, don't you think?"

"No, but this might be. Sennen Hyoro!"

Ichigo noticed the enormous bars of ice closing in on him and flashed stepped out before they crushed him. "Let's see ya try that again after this- BANKAI!" A stream of reiatsu flashed, then cleared. "Tensa Zangetsu." He promptly began to shunpo around the tensai- at twice the speed of a normal one.

Toushiro closed his eyes. Ichigo went in to land a hit, and Hitsugaya lifted his zanpakuto just in time to block it.

The boy's cheering was loud and stuffed with enthusiasm. Even the girls, normally not the kind to be intrigued by such a display, were entranced by the battle.

The two men continued for a few minutes longer, then shunpo'd down to the woman and kids. "Quite the show, you too," she told them while they let thier releases dissapate.

"Kuchiki," Toushiro asked over the boy's happy yells. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"You have an ice zanpakuto as well, yes?"

"Oh yeah!" Naota yelled. "Mommy, you fight Hitsugaya-san too!"

"Yeah!" Kaien added. "That'd be so cool!"

"Boys, stop," she scolded them, then looked back at the taichou. "Was that your intention?"

"Mere curiousity, yes."

"That would honor me, Hitsugaya-taichou. Ichigo, watch the kids," she told her husband as she drew her sword. "And I mean watch them; not let the run around wildly!"

"Yeah, yeah," the man replied, sheathing his own blade.

"Kuchiki?"

"Any time you're ready, Hitsugaya-taichou."

Without further warning, the taichou dove in to attack; Rukia swung her sword up just in time.

"Cheap shot!" Ichigo snarled.

"Opportunity," Toushiro corrected.

"Cool!" the twins chorused over thier father's grumbling.

"Really, Ichigo," Rukia chided the taller male while blocking the shorter. She paid him no mind after that though, putting all her attention into her sword.

The man held his tongue while his wife dodged and blocked the tensai; he did wonder why she had yet to release her sword, then realized the majority of her zanpakuto's abilty's guarunteed her opponent's death if the hit landed, so to speak- Rukia wouldn't put someone who wasn't a threat at risk like that.

But Toushiro had yet to re-release his sword as well. Was he just not doing it because she wasn't? The shorter had claimed his fight was to sedate his curiousity about thier swords... Their blades crossed once more, and Ichigo swore he saw the taichou say something; the woman's eyes widened a bit at whatever was spoken. Almost directly after-

"Mae, Sode No Shirayuki!"

"Soten Ni Zase, Hyorinmaru!"

The twins began to cheer.

Be it fortunate or not, Rukia's most-often used attack needed a bit of a set up- a set up Toushiro wasn't giving her. She then flash stepped under him, after making a quick circle with her ribbion, said, "Some No Mai, Tsukishiro!"

Hitsugaya barely got out of the way in time. "Impressive," he said.

She shunpo'd after him again; he barely had enough time to block her, elbowing her to the ground, and pinning her at the end of his sword. "Very impressive," he added.

"Not impressive enough," she sighed, getting up after he moved.

"Still, far more than your current station."

"Nii-sama," she replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Ah." He wasn't about to fuck with that.

"Well, thank you very much for the work out, Hitsugaya-taichou. Ready to go, k-?" she stopped, teeth grinding in irritation. Her children were no longer at her husband's feet where she left them, only the orange haired male did now, looking very confused at his wife's sudden annoyance.

"What?" he asked.

"YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!"

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After rounding up the children, and Rukia cooled off, Ichigo dared to ask her what Toushiro had said to her while they were sparring.

"Oh, that?" she replied, flushing a little while she got comfortable in bed. "He just told me to stop going easy on him- it was pissing him off."

Ichigo laughed. "Yeah, that sounds right."

"I just didn't want to hurt him or worse."

"No offense, but Toushiro's survived worse than you."

"Someone doesn't want to get any tonight."

"Err.. I mean..."

"Good night, Ichigo," Rukia smiled, blowing out the light.

The male flopped down on his own pillow. Yeah, maybe not tonight, but his resolution was a lot stronger than hers...


End file.
